I love the internet and all it has to offer. The YouTube community recently has fascinated me, and I have started to become very interested in what the vloggers are doing. I follow them on twitter, watch their videos and generally try to find out what is going on with them. The thing is, I can not bring myself to get involved. Every comment I leave on a video or a blog is so carefully considered, it doesn't reflect how I am really feeling. I would love to be able to just say crazy things, but I am worried for some strange reason, that people will single me out.
The strange thing is, IRL I love being singled out, I love the limelight. But here, on the internet, it is a fear that I will not be funny enough or witty enough to impress these people and that they will just regard what I have to say as irrelevant or even stupid. I realise that the reason I enjoy watching these people is because they seem like genuine, interesting people, but I still harbour that irrational fear.
I want to vlog and to become a part of the community, but that would mean losing my anonymity which has become a security blanket. I even worry about friends I have outside of the internet finding my videos, because I know that they do not feel the same way about YouTube as I do. I think there will come a time when I will think to hell with it all, and get involved, but at the moment I'm just too goddamn insecure.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
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